Crushes. Siddharth and Nikita. Twelth standard.
Chemistry teacher Mrs Taneja was saying something. She stopped midway and started writing equations on the board. But Siddharth couldn’t register her words today. He was a good student. Amongst the toppers. And one of Mrs Taneja’s favorite.
He thought about the reason why he was feeling so dejected today. He knew the answer. Nikki had bunked the school today. He kept glancing towards her empty seat. Just two rows ahead of his.
Siddharth liked her a lot. For him, Nikki was a fun loving, vivacious girl, who did not worry a lot about exams, boards, entrance tests, who was damn pretty and who wore a superb dimple every time she used to smile. And she used to smile a lot.
He used to write a diary. And in that diary, he would write every day about her. Special long entries were made the days he would have conversations with her. Admiring every movement of her eyes, noticing every expression of her cute face, everything he used to pen down.
Was it love? Or just another infatuation, just another crush. There were times when he felt strongly that it was indeed love, but there were other times as well, more often than not; that he thought that it was just a crush. A very powerful one, though.
He felt guilty. He had to concentrate on his studies, do very well in the boards, as well as the entrance exams of various professional institutes. There was a lot of competition, and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to clear any of them if he gets messed up with distractions. Nikki was a distraction. He had to get her out of his head. But then he would glance at her, in the class, and forget.
He decided that this couldn’t work any longer. He knew that he couldn’t remove Nikki out of his world. As she was there, right there in front of his eyes every day. There must be a solution. One day, he found it. He decided that he would fool his heart. Nikki was not to be a distraction for him. He made a pact, that if he wants to get Nikki in his life, he would have to study hard, and clear his exams. To get her, he would have to lose his sleep, burn the midnight oil, and read.
This solution soon started failing. Because there was this basic flaw. His mind and his heart were not disconnected. Out of desperation, without realizing, slowly, he made himself believe to very great extent, that he could only get Nikki if he studies hard. This belief soon converted into a conviction. A promise made by some higher authority.
He started decreasing the small conversations he used to have with her, and started distancing from her. He observed her only when she was occupied with something, but dreamed about her every night. As he studied harder and harder, he felt he was getting close. She became his motivation. His power, his pleasure, and his pain. But only in his thoughts.
But today, when she was not there in the class, he was feeling jittery. He tried concentrating in the subject but just couldn’t.
Has it backfired? Now he couldn’t concentrate without her distant presence. Is she alright? He hoped nothing had happened to her. She never used to bunk school.
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Nikita’s mom was serving her a medicine, after a good breakfast. When she was not looking, Nikita slid the tablet in the pocket of her shirt and drank the water. She had pretended to be sick. She was disturbed, but not physically, and wanted a break from the school.
Day before, she had eaten a lot of onions with her dinner. She knew it would make her vomit, and she purposefully did so, in the presence of her father. His father naturally thought she was ill, and instructed her mother to take care of her tomorrow. She was not to go to school.
Nikita had done the same act, around a year back, when she was confident that she would fail the math half yearly exam which was to be held the next day. She had missed the exam, with almost no repercussions. It was certainly better than to have failed in the subject. The reason behind her contrived plot. But today the reason was different. She needed to think things over. She needed some peace of mind. Ashish had asked her out yesterday.
Nikita knew that she was good looking. Counted amongst the cutest in the class. She also knew that there were quite a number of boys who were crazy about her. Many of them had even approached her; she had ignored all of them. Refused politely but firmly. As none of them were even close to the kind of guy she wanted in her life. She could puke till death before going out with some of them. Ashish was different. He was a good friend. But she didn’t like him that way also.
It wasn’t that she was very high headed or there weren’t any guys who were smart. There were 2-3 extremely cute guys, but they were the centre of attention of all girls. Every girl of her class was trying to woo them in all manners. Some of which were even despicable. Like exposing skin, seducing in ways she thought were disgraceful. And the bad part was that the cute guys fell for all of it. They would go out with the girl wearing the shortest skirt. In this psychological way, they almost exhorted all girls to wear short skirts. The girl not wearing one now, was considered a behnji.
Albeit, there was one guy she thought was different from others. He was not as dashing as the guys mentioned above, but certainly cute in his special way, and was definitely smart. He had a terrific persona about him. He kept quiet most of the time, was very intelligent, and the envy of most of the wanna-be’s. His name was Siddharth.
Nikita had seen Siddharth initially glancing towards her from time to time. She had grown used to guys staring at her, passing comments and ‘singing filthy songs in the bus at her’ things, but ofcourse she had drawn a line. Anyone crossing it was in for some big trouble. A new guy in the class glancing stealthily was just normal.
Then one day she saw him speak in the class. Siddharth was giving a presentation on a topic in chemistry. Nikita got her first chance to observe him closely, as he was always 2 rows behind, and she found he had a tremendous personality. The way he spoke, his accent, his voice was so good. It had a mysterious kind of a feeling about it. During the lecture, he was focused towards getting the subject across, and also didn’t let anyone get bored as he kept cracking trivial jokes in between. They were not very funny, but the way he delivered them was. Last but not the least; he had beautiful, large, and innocent eyes.
She fell for him. And in about a month’s time, was heads over heals about him. She knew siddharth was a bit reserved and a conventional person. She liked that part about him. But she couldn’t just ask him out because of the same reason, or become very bold in front of him. He wouldn’t like that. And she wanted him to like her intellectually too. She would study math, the subject she hated the most, to just strike up an intelligent conversation with him. While studying, she would give up. Then she would look at the only pic she had of him, and start off again.
She still remembered the day clearly when Siddharth had asked her the question. ‘Can I call you Nikki?’. She had felt her heart skipping a beat, had blushed and gone red, had answered ‘yes’, and had smiled. She was the happiest girl in the world that day. She knew in her heart that he also had a crush on her. But her mind said otherwise sometimes. Nevertheless, she had thought of giving hints. And then she would wait. Wait for him to propose.
But for the last few days, she thought he had started ignoring her. He stopped responding to the usual hints she gave to have a conversation. He would walk past by without looking at her. She was perturbed first, and later angry. Her feelings sometimes also moved towards hatred. What did he think of himself? Her ego was hurt, and she wanted to dignify herself. She wanted to teach him a lesson.
She decided to say a yes to Ashish.
