THE DISCIPLINE INCULCATOR

7th day in the Indian Military Academy, Dehradun.

Class time.

Instructor(with profound seriousness and emphasis): Gentlemen, weapons are like condoms. Holding them and not using them is much wiser than not holding them when you ‘urgently’ require them.

The class giggled without making a sound. It was my 7th day in the academy. No, my memory isnt so sharp. Those who are in the army know that you cannot possibly clearly remember your academy days. You sweat, sweat and sweat more, go back to your cabin(room) and sleep. That is, if you get the chance to sleep. I remember because I used to keep a record, a personal diary. A line or two for each day.

I was a software engineer before joining the army. I used to get up at 10, 11, sometimes even 12 to go to office. My manager used to come before 9:30. She never said anything to me about coming late to office. I liked to think that that was because I used to deliver products (softwares) always before the deadline. I was good at my job. But there was this one time when she had remarked about me coming late to office. I had missed an important meeting of the team, which was at 10:30 am. And she had done that too very politely.

‘Ankur, you missed a meeting this morning. Didn’t you get the schedule last friday?

You should have come a little early.’

‘Sorry Prachi, it wont happen again.’ I didn’t mean it. I wasn’t even feeling ashamed.

‘Ok.’

She was a sweet team lead. Later ofcourse, a dog who was suffering from rabies bit me and died, and I joined the army. The dog was a sucker for some respect. It didn’t know that earning it could make it go doubly crazy.

8th day in IMA.

We were asked to report at 3:45 am (Yep, that’s the time, and we had slept at 11:30 pm) with packed breakfast collected, and small pack prepared. (The small pack contains emergency stuff like food, water, extra pair of shoes, socks, shaving kit, which is a must, but what the hell, everything including the sui dhaga for knitting a button of your shirt which might break while you roll in mud, is a must.)

So basically, the preparing of this small pack requires a considerable amount of time. Specially when at 3 am, in the mess of your cabin, you cant find your sui dhaga. However, as you get to know later, EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD can be managed in the last minute, and that’s one of the numerous important lessons that army teaches you about life. I also managed my sui dhaga at the last minute and arrived at the fall-in sharp at 3:46.

The senior was looking at me in a very strange way. Like a perfect bollywood villian. With his head tilted halfway to one side.

‘Yaaa Ankur, Why so late?’ (I have observed that in the army, people tend to say ‘Yaaa’ a lot. They rather sing it.)

“‘So’” late?? I thought. What the f*** man, I am a minute late.

‘Sorry Sir, it wont happen again.’ I didn’t mean it. I wasn’t at all feeling ashamed.

‘You don’t say sorry in the army. Because you cannot EVER be sorry for what you do. I’ll have you right now’ (That’s another one of the cliches I hated people using in the army. Literally it meant he would eat me, which is grose, figuratively, it meant he would punish me.)

He was noway sweet like Prachi. He made me jump continuously with the 5 kg pack on for 15 minutes. What are 15 minutes? I would have thought, if I would have still been the software engineer. I hadnt realized it yet.

My body was in agony. My heart was screaming. “’This is what I deserve for coming a MINUTE late?? For god’s sake, it was just a MINUTE’” I sweated and sweated.
And as if he read my mind, he said,

‘In a minute, you can be made to pray for your life. It requires just a minute. You’ll realize it.’

“’Bulshit”’, and I jumped. I just wanted him to stop me. Every second became painful after a while.

Every s-e-c-o-n-d.

My knees hurt the next several days.

21st day in IMA

Assistant Adjutant(who is responsible for drill, which btw means marching n all): ‘GC Ankur Srivastava. Why don’t your knees touch your chest when you stamp? Are you trying to sham in front of me?’

‘No sir, not at all’

The ‘not at all’ was not required. If you speak a word more than ‘Yes sir’ or ‘No sir’, you’re had. (Yeah, I got the cliché too)

‘Sahab, is GC ko teen Restrictions dijiye.’

‘Ji sahab’ The drill ustaad said.

Ass Adju (now to the entire squad): ‘Gentlemen, there would be girls watching you right now from outside the gates of this great institution. Your stamping will be such that it will make them all go watery. Is that clear?’

He turned back and added..

‘And by that I don’t mean tears in their eyes.’

The squad giggled without making a sound. I couldn’t resist a tiny grin to appear.

‘Sahab isko teen aur restrictions dijiye’

29th day in IMA

There is only one way to tie laces on your shoes in the army. They would teach you that first. And if you don’t comply, they would have your happiness. (Now that’s another cliché, means essentially the same)

This fine morning of 29th day in IMA, I was standing imperturbed in the drill square, sure that no drill ustaad could point out some mistake in my dress. When suddenly I heard someone growl.

‘HAAARRRPPP! GRAAAHHPP!! MAKRA, KACHRA, NALAYAK, GCCC!!!’ And he was looking towards me.

‘Ji sahab’

‘YE KAISE BANDHE HAIN LACES??’ I looked down.

‘NEECHE DEKHNE KO KISNE KAHA TUMSE????!!!!’

My insides shouted ‘“NEECHE NAHI DEKHUNGA TO PATA KAISE CHALEGA KI MAINE KAISE LACES BANDHE HAIN??”’ And these were the men I was wishing to comd and earn respect from.
He made me keep leaping like a frog for the next 1 hour. In front of the whole academy.

One h-o-u-r.

For tying laces the incorrect way.

30th day in IMA

The entry in my diary for the 30th day.

My insides are crying after yesterday. I feel humiliated. I feel burnt. When I was tying my laces today in the morning, I was again in a hurry. I was again making the mistake. And I watched a teardrop fell on my shoes. And this is what went through your mind Ankur, in case you forget.
‘Not again for this small thing. Not again for this. No.’
And you swallowed to clear your soar throat and tied it as it was taught Ankur.
You tied it as it was taught.


Disclaimer: A work of fiction. Except the diary entry.